the thing is, I’d be inclined to be gentler now — which is really saying something, considering how much I tone myself down for this blog — if the whole fandom ‘conversation’ around gamrezi, as it were, hadn’t for me started with bunch of nasty anonymous cowards charging into my askbox to yell at me when I talked about things from my perspective.
I used to get anon hate on a rate of like, a message every month or two, but at that point I started getting messages almost *every day* until I shut anon off, and they were all, in particular, harassing me about what they decided I thought about the matter, regardless of what I’d actually written. (this, incidentally? is the same kind of behavior my *abusive ex* pulled whenever he was mad at me, regardless of anything I’d actually done or said.)
when I looked at a bigger chunk of fandom to see what was happening, everywhere I goddamn looked it was people sneering about how other people who like Gamzee and say *anything* they don’t agree with are abuse apologists and awful.
and there weren’t, like, any direct quotes of what anyone actually *wrote*, much less any attempts that I saw to engage any of these ‘awful’ fans in conversation. It was all gossip and rumor at its worst, wrapped up in buzzwords and ‘what about the ABUSE SURVIVORS??’
that the tenor of the major conversations re: gamzee has stayed pretty much the same in the… two months? since is a big part of what makes it feel pointless. as does *trying* to get the people who are Very Concerned About Abuse Survivors to listen to some of us that don’t agree with them and getting brushed off and sneered at for the effort.
it might not be pointless! but I am completely out of energy for it, and I am *tired* of the Very Concerned People only being concerned about a particular kind of survivor.
oh man, yeah, i feel that!
in a way i guess it’s a bit like Eridan Hate Anon? i mean how many of these hate anons who go round to harass people actually care about the issue they are harassing people about (abusive male characters and bad m/m pairings and how we should not ship them) and how many actually care. how many of the people who anonymically claim to be survivors who have Survivor Feelings about things are, you know, not, like how anons always are queer WOC who totally agree with racist white dudes as long as they can be anons….
BUT the problem with gamzee was indeed how being all “if you care about gamzee as a character you are scum!!!!” was sth normal people, not shitty people would post on their blog and get like lots of agreeing notes for, which i guess is at least a little bit awkward, since when you cared about a character for months, i feel when something so incredibly shitty happens (and yeah that *is* a whole other level of shitty than the usual gamzee shitty at least to me), the choice is not so much “can i stop caring about this character” than “omg will i stop reading this comic already”, so. if you happen to be a survivor with a grody clown problem, bad luck for you!
and yes, the lack of actually *engaging* people as opposed to, like, ranting about The Issue was frustrating. i remember how i sometimes reblogged people’s gamzee rants when they were especially Wrong about something canonical and was like “hei i can help you with that here are some informations”, while, you know, not being an abuse apologist or saying anything generally hatable, which meant my post was boring i guess, and doomed to never get responded to ;)
i felt very terezi!! fight me already!
and yeah “fighting” you about things you never actually said, while not responding to the things you DO say is uuuuuuuuughhhhhhhhhhhh the Moste Frustrating Ever
yeah. yeah. it’s like EHA, but when I saw that it wasn’t just a new Gamzee Hate Anon but stuff I could see on people’s actual blogs I got really frustrated and upset and just kind of threw my hands up in the air.
I should have followed you sooner so I could have reblogged those clarifications. I’ll just have to do so in the future!
And haha oh man I feel very Terezi, too re: fight me already!!! especially since so much of this feels really unfair and unjust? IRONIC, ISN’T IT. :’)